Water and Rocks

Sacred Sorrows introduces "Lani," our newest contributing writer. Lani Bogart shares a fierce love with her son Evan, who drowned in a rafting accident in Guatemala in February 2022. As she learns to be here without him, she stands on the essentials of faith and hope and longs for the day when Love is All (1 Cor 13:13). Lani is supported by her devoted husband Doug, and her children Jonathan, Cana & Ennie, Christopher, and Xhiv.

Recently my husband, Doug and I went for an easy hike along the shores of a peaceful lake in the White Mountains. As we walked along, a rhythmic phrase invaded my thoughts, "water and rocks, rocks and water, water and rocks." I was lagging a bit behind, and my attentive husband turned and asked, "Are you okay?" Amidst sobs and tears, I said aloud the words that had been on repeat in my mind. "Rocks and water, water and rocks, rocks and water," then paused and added, "Rocks bruised and battered his body and water drowned him!" As Doug hugged me, I continued, "Scriptural phrases like "rivers of living water" and "rock of salvation" swirl around in my head along with ideas about Evan's final Baptism and Resurrection to New Life. But it's just so, so hard!!!"

We were at an Arizona lake, not a Guatemalan river. I had expected myself to leave grief behind for a little while, but I'm learning that Lady Sorrow tags along whether or not she's invited.

Doug is grieving, too, and we talked about how we grieve differently. He said, "I'm not his mother," and that somehow made it okay to embrace the solitude of my grief. We walked on a little way before I asked his help looking for a comfy spot in the shade where I could rest as he continued the hike without me. He willingly accorded me private time and space in the shade of pines to take out my phone and pore through again the words and photos from those awful days while tears flowed freely.

I'm learning that Lady Sorrow tags along whether or not she's invited.

Before Doug returned, I breathed deeply of the mountain air, watched a ground squirrel scurrying over a distant rock, and basked in the beauty of sunlight on still water. By the time he came back, my heart had found a place of peace in the presence of water and rocks, making it possible for us to walk together again.