Mother's Day Looms

Irene Peterson lives in Sonoma, where she enjoys year-round gardening, swimming, and enjoying the great outdoors with her husband, John (traveling from mountain to ocean in their hippie van). She also relishes time spent with her daughters Michaela and Grace, & grandchildren Hailey and Tommy. Irene lost her beloved son Kai in December 2010.

I've been on this journey of grief for 13 years now. I lost my firstborn and only son Kai in December of 2010. It took many years and much effort to get this far, to the point where I can stop being so lost, hopeless and helpless.

Much therapy, and the discovery of Sacred Sorrows has helped me bind up my wounds, and learn to trust in Jesus again. Yet Mother's Day looms... like another minefield of emotional traps...

I have 2 other children, and 2 grandchildren, and a great grandchild on the way, for whom I am so grateful. But the one who made me a mother, the role that I have relished more than any other in my life, is still gone from my sight. He was a powerhouse of energy, and a constant source of what I'll call lessons for me to learn. Even in his absence, the lessons keep on coming.

After the loss of my son, I will never be the same person. His death has made me so aware of all of the mothers in the world who have lost their children. Every single day in the news we read about all of the deaths of children from war, violence, illness, accidents, famine, natural disasters, drugs, and suicide. It seems that I am so not alone. I pray for the mothers of these children, both young and full grown adult children every day, for I am very aware of the immense pain they will be enduring. I even have in my family another loss of a young person. My sweet nephew passed away last July. His mother, my beloved sister-in-law, is now where I was 13 years ago. She was, and is, very devout and spiritual and actually directed me to Sacred Sorrows. She is only a few months into this journey and has many of the same questions that I seemingly had no real answers to. She needs me now, and I am here for her.

One of the most profound ways that I have changed is that I have accepted the fact that life is a struggle. My mother tried to tell me this, but I didn't really listen. I miss her too. I was of the mind that if I did whatever I could to keep the commandments and follow all the rules of society, my family would be free from this cross. Nope...

The fact is, we all suffer at one time or another. Becoming a parent is a risk. Loving those children is a risk. Yet we take those risks and throw ourselves into that love that can never be duplicated. While we have our precious children, we experience a beautiful and seemingly perfect love. So much of parenting can be what I think of as joy. (Ok, I know it is hard, too, but we do the hard work with love and joy because we love them so much.)

This Mother's Day, I pray that all mothers of heavenly children can have peace and knowledge that Jesus has our children and He is giving them love well beyond what we could give them here on earth. I pray that the broken hearts of all these mothers can be welded back together and that they will be able someday to share their strength with their sisters in sacred sorrow. Our heavenly children will forever remain in our hearts. We will never forget them, on Mother's Day or any other day. God bless you all, mothers, grandmothers, and all parents here on earth, and in heaven.