I'm drowning!

Sacred Sorrows is pleased to welcome Adina "Ally" Anhalt. Ally is a wife, mother, and nanny as well as a student of anthropology at ASU. In what little spare time she has, she enjoys crafting and genealogy. Ally comes from the Jewish faith tradition - and has found much comfort among her Catholic sisters, learning much from their faith as she lives with the grief of losing her daughter Ella to miscarriage in 2014. She is thankful to her dear friend Julie for introducing her to Sacred Sorrows after Julie lost her precious son Landon in 2022.

When I was 12, I nearly drowned in the deep end of the wave pool at a water park near my house. It's one of my most vivid childhood memories--struggling to keep my head above water as one big wave after another pounded me back under the water.

Each time I came up for air I thought, "I can't do this. I'm going to drown!" Then I would think, "Keep looking up, keep looking for the light." I managed not to drown by doing just that--looking up, keeping my eyes on the light.

In my worst moments of grief, I'm back in the deep end of that wave pool. Waves of grief crash over me, leaving me fighting for air. I often think, "I'm going to drown. I just can't do this!"

In the Bible, David had many moments like this as he was running for his life from King Saul. David wrote in his 121st Psalm, "I lift up my eyes to the hills--where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth." David knew, even in his most challenging times, that he was not alone and that his strength was not his own.

In those times, when my grief is crushing, I find myself searching for air, desperate to rest and breathe again, forcing myself to look up and keep my eyes on the light. I remind myself my strength comes from God and is not my own. I don't have to carry my grief alone, for, "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." (Psalm 34:18)