Dad’s Point of View

Our guest writer is David Murray from Paradise Valley, AZ. Although Sacred Sorrows is a community of grieving mothers and grandmothers, we know dads suffer alongside us. Dave wrote, “I lost a son, Michael, a little over 15 years ago. Michael was 22 years old, a combat marine infantry veteran of the war in Afghanistan and Iraq. After surviving all that horror overseas, he was killed in a motorcycle accident at home in Scottsdale. With the support of my wife, Tina, my 12-step recovery program (with its service structure and fellowship), centering prayer, and the welcoming prayer helped me greatly to grieve that loss.”

As parents who have lost a child, we know sadness, grief, and isolation in a way that only such a loss brings.

The isolation surprised me. Though others were sincere and well-meaning in their attempts to comfort me, the comfort of thoughts and words alone couldn't reach this sorrow, and I felt isolated. The isolation of my grief took me to a place where only God could reach me, but there I found a sacred space of tender and healing grace.

I still miss Michael and grieve his loss. I don't think this ever leaves Dads or Moms who lose a child, it just gets different. Yet, I did find meaning in my loss. I refused to believe God caused this. Instead of turning against Him in bitterness, I opened my heart to God and committed to walk through this with Him.

What happened amazed me. God worked through me and used this tragedy to bring healing not only to all touched by this loss, but others as well. Only God can perform such miracles. I learned if we abandon ourselves to Him and pray through losses such as this, “stepping aside” and consenting to his presence and action within – he can bring healing and goodness to the most tragic of events. Today, 15 years later, I still find meaning and purpose in this loss by sharing the strength I found in God through the love of others, the practice of and sharing my 12 Step program, Centering Prayer, and the Welcoming Prayer.